if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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