please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
