Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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