i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
