So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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