i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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