sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
