please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
