She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
