woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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