I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
