Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
