the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize