I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
