I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize