How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
