the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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