I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
