If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
