How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
high people should be assigned attendants
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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