like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
