So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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