I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Randomize
