My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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