She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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