Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Never let your siblings swipe right.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
