Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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