I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
