i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
