i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize