I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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