You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
