I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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