you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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