Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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