why didn't you poke me back
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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