Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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