When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
whose ass print is on the piano?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
