If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
