i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
