are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
he had hair everywhere except his balls
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
