I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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