There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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