I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
