We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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