It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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