do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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