Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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