i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
