My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
