shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
