I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
