just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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