problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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