So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
A+ Viking dick
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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