So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Terrible idea I love it
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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