Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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