remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
