How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
