Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I feel like abortions should bother me more
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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