butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
