i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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