nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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