He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize