Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
