He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
