I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
