I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
